you! YOU want to be the person of influence in your teen's life.
You want your teen to listen to you! You want her to respect
you. You want him to come to you when he needs advice.
Parenting teenagers effectively requires learning some
fundamental skills. These skills are not difficult and you
probably already know them. However, skip over them or refuse to
apply them appropriately and you may find your teen wants
nothing to do with you.
1. Listening.
If you want your teenager to listen to you, you must first
listen to him. That's old news, right? You already know all
about that, don't you? But are you doing it?
If you are serious about encouraging your teenager to listen to
you, then try this little exercise. Keep a log of exactly how
many minutes each day you *intentionally* and *intensely* listen
to your teen. No newspapers or cell phones between you. You must
be looking her in the eyes and you must be reflecting her words
back to her in order to make sure you understand what she's
saying as precisely as possible.
Do you do this just ten minutes a day? You can do anything for
ten minutes a day, right? Give it a try for a solid thirty days.
Do you find this difficult? Look at it this way. If you won't
listen in this way to your teen, why in the world should he
*really* listen to you?
2. Respect.
Respect is an earned quality and nowhere is this truer than
when parenting teenagers. Teens are very good at knowing when
someone is truly on their side or when they are being merely
accommodated.
If you want them to respect your time, then respect theirs. If
you want your teen to respect your conversations, then respect
theirs. Teach them the 'how' of respectful behavior by extending
it to them, and then tell them you expect it back from them.
Here's a strong hint: if you are working hard on your listening
skills and giving your teen your absolute, undivided attention
each and every day, you are moving up on her respect meter.
Fast.
3. Person of influence.
Every parent of a teenager wants to be the go-to person for
their teen. And rightfully so. Don't make the mistake of trying
to be your teen's best friend, however. That's not your job at
this critical part of their life.
They need you to be a lot more than their friend. They need you
to be their *parent* and no one else can take over that role, so
really throw yourself into the part!
When parenting teenagers, you need to be a leader in your
family. Don't know how to do that? Look at your own life and ask
yourself if *you* are interested in following *you*. Your
answers will tell you a lot about how your teen looks at you and
what you need to do to be the person your young teenager knows
he can trust with the cares and concerns of his life.
Here's another parenting hint: focusing on listening and
respect will get you headed in the right direction quickly.
Every one of us who are parenting teenagers need to be skilled
at those qualities.
When it comes to parenting teenagers, there are no magic
formulas that bring guaranteed success. But there are some
simple strategies that have been proven to work time after time.
To be the person your teenager comes to when he needs something,
lay a strong foundation of respect and careful listening.
It won't be long until you're hearing a lot more than whom he
thinks will win the game this weekend.
About The Author: Colleen Langenfeld has been parenting for
over 26 years and helps other moms enjoy mothering more at
http://www.paintedg
teenagers at
http://www.paintedg
