Are You Using These Five Effective Parenting Tips?

These are the first 5 of 10 Effective Parenting Tips - look
for the next 5 in our next article.

Your kids deserve your very best all the time. You've only
got one chance to mold them into the kind of adult who is
productive, thoughtful, enthusiastic, visionary and
hardworking. You won't always feel good about doing what
is necessary, but remembering that you've only got one
chance to get it right for them will help you do what you
need to do. Here are five effective parenting tips to help
you:

1. There Is No Tomorrow. You've only got right now,
today, to do the right thing and to be there emotionally
for your children.. Once this "right now" is gone, it's
gone forever. Decide that you will make the most of every
single moment as often as possible. Decide that you will
give them your complete attention even if it means setting
your stuff aside. Of course you won't be at the 100%
level. No one is. But if you decide in this right now
moment to utilize as many of the following right now
moments with your kid's benefit held at the forefront, they
will benefit from your decision.

2. Begin With The End In Mind. It won't do any good when
your child is eighteen years old to look back and wish
you'd done things differently. Right now is when you get
to make the decisions that will affect his getting to
eighteen. Think through what you'd like that to be and
then think about how you'll have to "be" in the intervening
years to help your child accomplish that. Be sure to
listen to what your child says he wants and weave that into
the plan. Help your child become an achiever. Your
primary goal as a parent is to give your children the tools
that they can use to lead happy, healthy and successful
lives. That's all that matters. That is your magnificent
obsession. Remind yourself each day of the goal you're
working towards and remind yourself that it doesn't happen
in a single day.

3. Your Influence Is Greatest Every Day. Teaching is what
you do every time you interact with your children. And it
always happens today. Whether you're helping with homework,
going to watch a basketball game or sitting down to have
dinner, you are teaching them. It doesn't matter if you're
having dinner in your kitchen or if you're a part-time
parent who is having dinner at McDonald's. What matters is
that you're really there. You are a guide and an anchor.
Know that you are a teacher, that you are a role model.
That's how you will have the greatest impact on your
children. Parenting isn't about stirring speeches or big
events. It's about the quiet times and the little things.

4. Listen To Them. You'll Be Amazed. Listening to your
children is the essence of being with them. When that
little voice in your head is rattling on incessantly about
the past or the future, or coming up with an answer to what
you think they're saying, you're not really hearing what
they say. If you're not present with your children, they
know it. What is the message you're telling them if you're
not present? They're not worthy? They're not important?
They're not valuable? Stop. Look. Listen. That means stop
what you're doing, stop watching the T.V., stop reading the
paper, stop thinking about other things. Look. Look into
their eyes, you're less likely to be distracted when you're
looking into their eyes. Listen. Don't let that voice in
your head drown them out. Sometimes to make sure I'm
listening, I will repeat in my head what they're saying.

5. Control Your Emotions. Don't yell at your children. If
you yell at children, they do not hear you. Instead, you're
simply upsetting them. That doesn't mean if you've yelled
at your children, you're going to destroy their psyche.
Remember, take the long view. We're building a foundation
one brick at a time. None of us is perfect. Yelling at your
children and upsetting them once will have no effect on
them. Yelling at them the entire time they grow up,
well.....let's hope that somehow children who have to deal
with that eventually learn how to overcome it. Most of us
fall somewhere in the middle. The point here is that it's
not effective. It's not promoting your magnificent
obsession. Identify what it is that really triggers that
emotion. It's not your children. Keep in mind your goal of
being a great parent and then create a disconnect. Emotions
aren't a bad thing. The problem is that we have triggers
that release our emotions without thinking.

If you use these effective parenting tips, you'll be on
your way to a healthy and happier relationship with your
children. Look for five more tips in our next installment
in this series.

About the Author:

Len Stauffenger's parents taught him life's simple wisdom.
As a divorced dad, he wanted to share that simple wisdom
with his girls. "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced
Parents," his book, is the solution. Len is an author, a
Success Coach and an Attorney.
http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

Why do Most Parents Receive Little or No Training to Parent Effectively?

Have you ever wondered about why this is true?

I have thought about this many times during my 30-plus years as a psychologist. I have counseled thousands of couples and single parents about parenting issues and challenges.

And the following fact still amazes me:

The biggest responsibility in the life of most adults is the raising of our children. It can be an awesome responsibility; however, despite the importance of child rearing, most people receive little or no training in the process.

It has been suggested that in our society more attention is given to the licensing of teenagers to drive cars than to the ability or inability of persons to effectively raise their children.

If you are biologically capable, you can become a parent.

What greater resource to assure the future does any generation have than our children? But how are we managing this resource?

If this generation of parents cannot raise our children any more effectively than we were raised, we cannot expect the next generation to be more emotionally stable, more rational, or happier.

You need only to look at the rising crime rate, the increased use of drugs, the large number of broken families, and the rapid increase in mental health disorders, to realize that previous generations of parents perhaps could have done a better job of parenting.

With the added stresses placed on families today, the task of parenting, unfortunately, is becoming even more important. Behavior problems are becoming more common in more and more families.

During many thousands of counseling sessions, these messages keep coming in loud and clear:

Parents with disobedient, distractible, overactive, moody children typically feel frustrated and angry. Many parents have told me that they feel trapped in a bad situation with no easy exit; everything they have tried in the past has failed.

I have had parents tell me that they feel cheated and duped because they were led to believe that parenthood was so wonderful, yet for them it has been so difficult.

Many parents, especially mothers, have told me that they feel like failures as persons because they are not fulfilling their conception of what a good parent should be.

In almost ALL cases, parents with difficult children report that they feel they are not in control of their children and are, instead, simply reacting to the behavior of their children. These parents give the impression that they are not really raising their children but, rather, their children are raising them.

I have never met a child who knew more about child raising than his or her parents did. To feel loved and secure, children must be effectively guided and disciplined by their parents. Parents must lead, not simply react.

In short, we must become the best possible managers we can be of our children.

Larry Waldman, Ph.D., psychologist and author, is one of the leading parenting and relationship authorities in the United States. To find out how to improve your family relationships, visit his web site at: http://www.the-relationship-doctor.com