for the next 5 in our next article.
Your kids deserve your very best all the time. You've only
got one chance to mold them into the kind of adult who is
productive, thoughtful, enthusiastic, visionary and
hardworking. You won't always feel good about doing what
is necessary, but remembering that you've only got one
chance to get it right for them will help you do what you
need to do. Here are five effective parenting tips to help
you:
1. There Is No Tomorrow. You've only got right now,
today, to do the right thing and to be there emotionally
for your children.. Once this "right now" is gone, it's
gone forever. Decide that you will make the most of every
single moment as often as possible. Decide that you will
give them your complete attention even if it means setting
your stuff aside. Of course you won't be at the 100%
level. No one is. But if you decide in this right now
moment to utilize as many of the following right now
moments with your kid's benefit held at the forefront, they
will benefit from your decision.
2. Begin With The End In Mind. It won't do any good when
your child is eighteen years old to look back and wish
you'd done things differently. Right now is when you get
to make the decisions that will affect his getting to
eighteen. Think through what you'd like that to be and
then think about how you'll have to "be" in the intervening
years to help your child accomplish that. Be sure to
listen to what your child says he wants and weave that into
the plan. Help your child become an achiever. Your
primary goal as a parent is to give your children the tools
that they can use to lead happy, healthy and successful
lives. That's all that matters. That is your magnificent
obsession. Remind yourself each day of the goal you're
working towards and remind yourself that it doesn't happen
in a single day.
3. Your Influence Is Greatest Every Day. Teaching is what
you do every time you interact with your children. And it
always happens today. Whether you're helping with homework,
going to watch a basketball game or sitting down to have
dinner, you are teaching them. It doesn't matter if you're
having dinner in your kitchen or if you're a part-time
parent who is having dinner at McDonald's. What matters is
that you're really there. You are a guide and an anchor.
Know that you are a teacher, that you are a role model.
That's how you will have the greatest impact on your
children. Parenting isn't about stirring speeches or big
events. It's about the quiet times and the little things.
4. Listen To Them. You'll Be Amazed. Listening to your
children is the essence of being with them. When that
little voice in your head is rattling on incessantly about
the past or the future, or coming up with an answer to what
you think they're saying, you're not really hearing what
they say. If you're not present with your children, they
know it. What is the message you're telling them if you're
not present? They're not worthy? They're not important?
They're not valuable? Stop. Look. Listen. That means stop
what you're doing, stop watching the T.V., stop reading the
paper, stop thinking about other things. Look. Look into
their eyes, you're less likely to be distracted when you're
looking into their eyes. Listen. Don't let that voice in
your head drown them out. Sometimes to make sure I'm
listening, I will repeat in my head what they're saying.
5. Control Your Emotions. Don't yell at your children. If
you yell at children, they do not hear you. Instead, you're
simply upsetting them. That doesn't mean if you've yelled
at your children, you're going to destroy their psyche.
Remember, take the long view. We're building a foundation
one brick at a time. None of us is perfect. Yelling at your
children and upsetting them once will have no effect on
them. Yelling at them the entire time they grow up,
well.....let'
with that eventually learn how to overcome it. Most of us
fall somewhere in the middle. The point here is that it's
not effective. It's not promoting your magnificent
obsession. Identify what it is that really triggers that
emotion. It's not your children. Keep in mind your goal of
being a great parent and then create a disconnect. Emotions
aren't a bad thing. The problem is that we have triggers
that release our emotions without thinking.
If you use these effective parenting tips, you'll be on
your way to a healthy and happier relationship with your
children. Look for five more tips in our next installment
in this series.
About the Author:
Len Stauffenger'
As a divorced dad, he wanted to share that simple wisdom
with his girls. "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced
Parents," his book, is the solution. Len is an author, a
Success Coach and an Attorney.
http://www.wisdomfo
